Miss.



Independent.

It's driving me out of my mind
That's why it's hard for me to find
Can't get it outta my head
Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead

That girl is poison
Never trust a big butt and smile
That girl is poison poison

I've missed things before. The time I was so close to knowing it was a bladder infection - high fever, increased bpm, foul smelling diaper... I was a smidge away but didn't say. Turns out I was right. Afterwards I had completely mixed feelings. I was satisfied that I had known, that I had correctly assessed - afraid that I hadn't said anything. The next day the patient was admitted to hospital.

%90 of my job is assessing. I spend hours assessing. I watch, I note every change.

So how could I have missed THIS.

One of my patient's mum's is 2 seconds away from being diagnosed with munchosean by proxy. How could I have missed THAT?

I spend 3 days a week, 8 hours at a time at their house. I insert port-a-cath needles, I administer feeds, I assess 3 times a night. I take blood pressures, temperatures, I assess skin integrity, dehydration status... emotional state.

How could I have been so duped? Am I really that bad of a nurse?

I get gut feelings. I get gut feelings that rarely let me down. But this time I felt they were okay. I felt they were stressed, pushed to the brink with a very sick child. But okay.

I thought everything was falling apart because of higher powers, red tape and rigamoral - how could I have missed this?

I had no idea.

God I hope this is wrong.

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

I need peace and I need love,
I need all the things sent from above,
I need chocolate cake and lemon pie,
I need all the things that make me smile,
I want rain, and I want sunshine,
I want all the things sent from the sky
That put a smile upon my face,
And make this world a better place

When I’m feeling down, I think of
Simple things that help me get by…

Just when I thought nursing was a thankless job. Just when I thought I could never be a great nurse, a good nurse maybe, but never great.

I was asked to be the only nurse to accompany a family to Walt Disney World with Make-A-Wish.

Not only am I thrilled that I get to spend a week in DisneyWorld (getting paid too!) but I am even MORE thrilled that they picked me. Me? I'm good enough to go? Really?

Me?

And finally, all those times I was nice and got nothing in return. I was nice... and I got this. It just goes to show that you never know when something like this will happen. I was nice to this family because I can be. Because they deal with enough crap without some half-ass nurse coming in to care for their child. I was nice because its my job and because I wanted to. I'm nice to people all the time. Sometimes it gets me a little niceness in return. But this time it got me a whole lotta niceness.

I could have never offered to take a chance and insert that port-a-cath needle... but I was the only one that did. Now that tiny needle got me a trip to Florida.

I'm beaming.