For god's sake. Fuck the stupid "hemovent".

God.

Chasing Forever.

You've been alone, you've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways
But I would change my life
If you thought you, might try to love me
So please give me another chance
To write you another song
And take back those things I've done
Cause I'll give you my heart
If you would let me start all over,
Again


Sometimes, most times, it feels like nothing.... I mean nothing... will ever be easy. Nothing will ever be natural. Nothing will ever be normal.

Nothing good will ever just be.

If having something good is worth fighting for. That's fine. But I just can't fight for everything.

I feel like I am running full speed on a bumpy road and just when I think I am making ground, I fall. And no one is ever there to reach out a hand. No one is ever there to pull me up. No one is there to help.

And when I finally pull myself back up again. I keep running. And sooner rather than later, I fall again.

And sometimes I think maybe it would be so much easier to just stay down.

I want to be the best nurse, I want to be the best friend, I want to be the best runner and more than anything I want to be the best girlfriend.

But I don't know how. And sometimes I am so terrified to try. Because sometimes trying doesn't work at all. Sometimes trying makes it worse.

He wasn't going to give me another chance. He was going to break my heart. And now I feel like he only stayed with me because I cried.

So now I worry. Am I calling too much? Am I not calling enough? Am I too interested? Am I too clingy? Am I doing anything right?

I try so hard, I try so hard to be perfect. But the more I try, the further away I get.

I'm not perfect.

But most of the time I wish I was.