Monday, June 30, 2008

Gimme More

Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin, stretchin, try to come to life
Jump in the shower
And the blood starts pumpin
Out on the streets
The traffic starts jumpin
And folks like me on the job from 9 to 5

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, for service and devotion
You would think that i
Would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead
But the boss wont seem to let me in
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me

They let your dream
Just a watch em shatter
Youre just a step
On the boss mans a ladder
But you got a dream he'll never take away

On the same boat
With a lot of your friends
Waitin for the day
Your ship'll come in
And the tides gonna turn
An its all gonna roll you away

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
Its all takin
And no givin
They just use your mind
And you never get the credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
There's a better life
And you think that I would daunt you
Its a rich man's game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it

Workin 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin
Barely gettin by
It's all takin
And no givin
They just use you mind
And they never give you credit
Its enough to drive you
Crazy if you let it

9 to 5, yeah, they got you where they want you
Theres a better life
And you dream that I would daunt you
Its a rich mans game
No matter what they call it
And you spend your life
Going funny if you want it



Okay so maybe it's midnight - 8... but this "9-5" has got me in a funk. And has me wondering...

Am I ever going to have a job that I absolutely... love?

I have been reminding myself, nearly daily, okay more than daily, that this is just a start. This isn't the rest of my life, this isn't all is said and done, and everyone starts somewhere.

Right?

Even if it is working straight nights, reading books, watching 90210 with the odd minute of nursing tossed in. Am I really getting paid to read trashy magazines? Am I really getting paid to write this very blog?

Yep. Twenty-five dollars and fifty-one cents an hour.

Which hardly seems enough. And there will never be enough. Enough to buy a new car. Enough to buy a portable air conditioner. Enough to buy a printer/scanner/copier. Enough. If only they would give me more hours. More hours would give me enough.

Enough money, and enough of this job.

I have no idea if what I am doing is right. But everything is worth a try. Am I making a difference? I don't know. But I really hope so. So we'll wait for what next. A casual job at the hospital or a a go at school-shifts?

I wish I knew the answer. I wish I knew the answer and it was easy.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Take it From Here.

I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby
I need you right now - It’s gotta be this, it’s gotta be this
I know deep within my heart
No, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or it’s right
All I know is baby
I really need you tonight

Do I look different? Do I talk different? Walk different? Smell different? Sound different?

I never guessed the best part about it was that no one would ever have to know but me.

And him.
Off The Wall.

What? Is that all you've got to say?
What? What? You're rubbing me the wrong way
See your lips moving
But I don't catch a word you say
Shut up your chatter
I need for you to go away, uh huh

It is so deliciously rewarding when finally, FINALLY after two years of "yes maam", "always maam", the weak fight back.

Take that and eat it bitch.

The coordinator of my program always feels so entitled. Entitled to her opinion, entitled to to know EVERYTHING, entitled to have the final say no matter what. But she forgot, I have the final say this time. And I can tell it drives her crazy and that makes me smile. And then laugh. She worked so hard to groom us into hard working "fight the power" nurses, but apparently didn't want us to fight her power.

And now I actually look forward to her starting something on Monday. I look forward to being able to look her straight in the eye and suggest that it is neither the time nor the place. I wonder what it feels like when student becomes more mature than master.

She is a wonderful example of someone who has nothing outside her work. Nothing to make her feel special, nothing to make her feel whole. And I just took a big ol' bite out of her.

Am I enjoying this too much?

No.