Sometimes... to get where you really want in life, you have to give up something that's maybe not so bad. You have to take that deep breath, count to three and jump into that icy cold water. Because you are never going to know if things will be better if you keep sticking to what you know can only get worse.
I never liked my community job. I never liked the work, I never like the hours, I never liked the completely mind-numbing lack of a challenge.... but I liked how it was safe. It was easy, it was something I could do without any effort, without any fear or doing something wrong or making a grave mistake.
I've also NEVER quit a job. I know, right... twenty-seven years old and I have NEVER quit a job. I've waited until life gave me some other sort of "out" to quietly duck away.
But this time I did it. I sent the letter, I signed my name and I QUIT. I have waited for years to do this, to finally say that enough was enough and there were bigger and better things. But now as I approach my final 94 minutes of this job I can't help but feeling kind of blue.
I liked the patients. I liked the families, I liked the relationships I was able to form with my patients and how I was able to see first hand that I was actually helping. Every morning when the family awoke, refreshed and rested - having not had to take care of their loved one all night - I knew I had made a difference.
But I had to take a chance.
I have to believe that unless I am willing to take a chance and change something that nothing great will ever happen for me. And sometimes that means giving up something that feels good, for something that I'm not sure will feel great. But feeling good enough just isn't good enough anymore.
New Lululemon sweaters feel REALLY great.
It would be easy to get stuck in this job forever. It would be easy to keep trying to make 2... 3... 4... 5 jobs work but why should I have to? Why should I have to sacrifice my own sanity to try and keep a job that I never really liked in the first place? It's not going anywhere... and even if it was I wouldn't want it to. So why stick around?
Icey water here I come.
So as my final 89 minutes of this dreadful job come to an end I can't help but look back and realise just how much it has shaped who I am. Not just as a nurse, but as a person.
Where would if I hadn't been given the opportunity to meet all these "characters" in my story? The lady with the fly tape and car air freshners nailed to the wall... the time I heard the parents having sex... the endless supply of farm fresh produce... the excited smiles at 6am just to know i'm there.... the drives through snow-storms.... the trees that smooshed my car.... giving suppositories vengefully.... curled up in disgusting old chairs with 20 blankets on me trying to stay warm... ringing in the new year.... accepting Christmas presents....
... and on my last day, rewarding myself with a cheddar cheese bagel... a big glass of milk and crawling into bed on a Saturday morning at 8.30am... exhausted and grumpy for the very last time.
I never liked my community job. I never liked the work, I never like the hours, I never liked the completely mind-numbing lack of a challenge.... but I liked how it was safe. It was easy, it was something I could do without any effort, without any fear or doing something wrong or making a grave mistake.
I've also NEVER quit a job. I know, right... twenty-seven years old and I have NEVER quit a job. I've waited until life gave me some other sort of "out" to quietly duck away.
But this time I did it. I sent the letter, I signed my name and I QUIT. I have waited for years to do this, to finally say that enough was enough and there were bigger and better things. But now as I approach my final 94 minutes of this job I can't help but feeling kind of blue.
I liked the patients. I liked the families, I liked the relationships I was able to form with my patients and how I was able to see first hand that I was actually helping. Every morning when the family awoke, refreshed and rested - having not had to take care of their loved one all night - I knew I had made a difference.
But I had to take a chance.
I have to believe that unless I am willing to take a chance and change something that nothing great will ever happen for me. And sometimes that means giving up something that feels good, for something that I'm not sure will feel great. But feeling good enough just isn't good enough anymore.
New Lululemon sweaters feel REALLY great.
It would be easy to get stuck in this job forever. It would be easy to keep trying to make 2... 3... 4... 5 jobs work but why should I have to? Why should I have to sacrifice my own sanity to try and keep a job that I never really liked in the first place? It's not going anywhere... and even if it was I wouldn't want it to. So why stick around?
Icey water here I come.
So as my final 89 minutes of this dreadful job come to an end I can't help but look back and realise just how much it has shaped who I am. Not just as a nurse, but as a person.
Where would if I hadn't been given the opportunity to meet all these "characters" in my story? The lady with the fly tape and car air freshners nailed to the wall... the time I heard the parents having sex... the endless supply of farm fresh produce... the excited smiles at 6am just to know i'm there.... the drives through snow-storms.... the trees that smooshed my car.... giving suppositories vengefully.... curled up in disgusting old chairs with 20 blankets on me trying to stay warm... ringing in the new year.... accepting Christmas presents....
... and on my last day, rewarding myself with a cheddar cheese bagel... a big glass of milk and crawling into bed on a Saturday morning at 8.30am... exhausted and grumpy for the very last time.
posted by Laura at 3:22 AM
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