I'm not Retarded. I'm New.

Now this thing here, it may cause concern, but
It's just a little story bout a shark eatin worms
It's, not a riddle, but subliminally catches on
How one little lie can turn into a bigger one
When I was a young, guppy in the sea
You could see all the bigger fish pickin on me
Cause they knew I didn't really have the guard or bullet
And the other sharks that have teeth sharper than me
I'm a never-endin story about a shark this big
The load of kids that got an act for fizz
So sit back, kick back with a bag of chips
While I tell you bout something stupid I did...

I have a coworker who brings all new meaning to "miserable". I don't think I have ever called anyone a wench before. But yep, she's a wench. I feel like eventually her head is going to explode with miserable-ness, negativity, bitchiness and COMPLAINING.

For some reason though she insists that everyone on the unit be as miserable, if not more miserable than she is. Which then makes her more miserable because people aren't being nice to her.

Huh?

Ya.

Her way of making me miserable is to argue with EVERY. LITTLE. THING. And she was stealth about it too. I would be sitting there, minding my own business having a pleasant conversation with another coworker when BAM! there she was to argue with what I was saying.

You know why your husband left you bitch? 'Cause you are a raunchy person not because he needed to "figure things out".

Gosh you suck.

Get 'Em High.

Cuz uh, we out there smokin' on the krazy glue
Upside yo' head like oops
Snoop's
The shit, that you hear them bumpin' in the hoops.
Can't afford it
homeboy
This is finished
I represented

Say Snoop's upside yo' head,
say Snoop's upside yo' head.

Consider this my public service announcement. If you get high, and get pregnant then continue to get high. Your baby will be high. And you know all those reasons you didn't quit? The shakes? The vomiting? The earsplitting headaches. Wish all of that on your unborn child.

Watching a 1 day old get the munchies is heartachingly funny.

Once my psychiatrist asked me what it was like living with my dad when I was a kid. I didn't know how to answer him. He just looked at me.

"that must have been really tough for you"

And that was it.

But tough for me doesn't even begin to describe it.

I love my dad so much. He is one of my best friends in the entire world and I don't know what I would do without him.

But I am so fucked up because of him.

Because of this stupid disease that has taken everything in my life that was supposed to be good and robbed me.

Being a kid is supposed to be the best time of your life.

Being a kid was the worst part of mine.

The kids at school that tortured me. Because I was "different". I was "different" because my dad was living in a mental hospital. But my mum made me swear I would never tell anyone. There are things, she would say, that good families don't tell anyone. So everyone just though I was weird.

At home I was alone, it was terrifying. The fights, the screaming, the alcohol. My brother yelling at me in the kitchen for pouring my dad's vodka down the drain while my mother wailed in the driveway for my dad not to go. Then his tires screaching away.

And at school the next day the kids chased me around the playground trying to make me cry.

I was ugly they said. I was scum.

And no one was ever on my side. It was always the world vs. me and me vs. no one.

All I ever wanted was for someone to stand up for me.
And I'm still waiting.

Little L.

Whenever you call me, I'll be there
Whenever you want me, I'll be there
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be around

I thought I would never be good enough. Never good enough to be a real nurse. A hospital nurse.

But I was. I did it all by myself. 12 whole hours. Me.

Boogie On Reggae Woman.

I live and die for Hip Hop
This is Hip Hop for today
I give props to Hip Hop so Hip Hop hooray...
Ho...Hey...Ho

I haven't had a happy birthday since forever.

The last two especially stung.

I always wanted snow on my birthday.

It's white outside.