Miss.



Independent.

It's driving me out of my mind
That's why it's hard for me to find
Can't get it outta my head
Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead

That girl is poison
Never trust a big butt and smile
That girl is poison poison

I've missed things before. The time I was so close to knowing it was a bladder infection - high fever, increased bpm, foul smelling diaper... I was a smidge away but didn't say. Turns out I was right. Afterwards I had completely mixed feelings. I was satisfied that I had known, that I had correctly assessed - afraid that I hadn't said anything. The next day the patient was admitted to hospital.

%90 of my job is assessing. I spend hours assessing. I watch, I note every change.

So how could I have missed THIS.

One of my patient's mum's is 2 seconds away from being diagnosed with munchosean by proxy. How could I have missed THAT?

I spend 3 days a week, 8 hours at a time at their house. I insert port-a-cath needles, I administer feeds, I assess 3 times a night. I take blood pressures, temperatures, I assess skin integrity, dehydration status... emotional state.

How could I have been so duped? Am I really that bad of a nurse?

I get gut feelings. I get gut feelings that rarely let me down. But this time I felt they were okay. I felt they were stressed, pushed to the brink with a very sick child. But okay.

I thought everything was falling apart because of higher powers, red tape and rigamoral - how could I have missed this?

I had no idea.

God I hope this is wrong.