(I'll Be) Your Candle on the Water.

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm on a working streak. Tomorrow is my first day off in eight days. Three days of which I had to live at work. And after tomorrow? Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.... wait a minute, am I supposed to be half time?

Sigh.

My life has become diapers, spit rags, mary poppins and rattlin' bog.

This morning my man-boss lectured me on how to cook water. You see, you have to place the pot directly over the burner, so that the flame sits under it just so. Then you must put precisely the correct amount of water in the pot and put the temparture at just the right setting as to optimally cook water.

Give me a break. I have more education than the brain in his head and his dick combined. The guy spent the weekend in a pool where people were having sex and barfing (called a "water bar" in Ohio apparently) and he's teaching me how to cook water? I am all for a job thats easy, but this is becoming painful.

There are only so many times it is humanly possible to watch Bambi.

So what fun things do I have planned for my day off? Homework... mailing a baby card... and watching Canada's Next Top Model.

Like I don't know who will win. They are all just so.... blah.

Okay what else is new. Oh... my brother got engaged. You can pick yourself up off the floor now. Him and his other half showed up at my door (well my work door) Friday evening to announce the big news. And all I could think about was how nothing was ever going to be the same... and how he never fails to out shine even my brightest moments. So while everyone should have been talking about what a fabulous job I did at University and my future plans, they will be talking about the upcoming wedding. And both my parents will be beaming.

I won't be included in the wedding. My brother would never have me stand up for him and neither would she. I won't have anything to do but sit in the crowd and be embarrassed.

I can't wait.

Hey look its me! Over here!! Oo Oo look!!!

As if I wasn't already feeling like the only person I ever fight for is myself. And if I can't even be proud of myself then I guess no one will.

Yesterday I got a happy graduation card from my crazy aunt. I mean CRAZY aunt. I feel sorry for her. I really do. And as much as I would like to accept her well wishes I know they are completely tainted with family hate. It was just a jab, a poke to dig a little deeper and stir the family drama pot just a little bit more. At one side I have my mum poking me to egg her on, to email her and engage in her stupid little game. Then on the other side is the rationale side of my brain that is just screaming for me to leave it alone. Stay out of it, leave it alone and it too will go away. At least for a little while.

Just add it to my list of "don't go there's". Lately its been getting a little too long.