Frozen.

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

The more time I spend with future nurses, the more I realise that I have little faith in the future of our health care system.

If I have to hear mentally ill patients refered to as "missing screws", "wackos", or "some real crazies" one more time I'm going to explode. Or maybe implode. Yes, implode.

Someone comes into my class to talk about renal failure, a real sob story of transplants and dialysis. Everyone cries and admires. But when someone is in mental failure they mock them.

It's bad enough that I have to feel like I am fighting my own brain every day, all day, just to get through the day. But having someone tell me that its my fault. That makes me burn.

Somtimes I get so tierd of trying to pretend that I'm normal that I end up making myself look even more abnormal than I already am. I hate having to get up every morning and have to think about every single thing I am going to say and do. I hate being sensitve and I hate being sad. I hate feeling like I am going to cry all the time. I hate having to fight with my own head just to read a stupid text book chapter. I hate worrying about everything I say.

I hate feeling ashamed because of something that I can't even control. I hate being shamed instead of admired. I hate having to hide who I am becuae people probably won't want to be my friend if they find out.

I hate feeling like my brain is rotting from the inside out. I hate not going through one single day without wishing that I wasn't me.

I hate hating myself.