Tu Sais Quoi?

It's driving me out of my mind
That's why it's hard for me to find
Can't get it outta my head
Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead

That girl is poison.

I got paid 12 dollars an hour to sit around today. First I read the newspaper for two hours (I didn't think that was possible either). Then I watched a mix of The View, Family Feud and the Mom Show. After such time I dutifully made a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, baked some cookies, did a load of laundry, made a bed and finished a craft project.

One more day 'till vacation. I can't fuckin' wait.

I had to work at 9am today. I physically pulled myself out of bed at 8.41am. This is getting painfull. I just feel like I can't do it anymore. And I am not being fair to anyone, especially not the boy I take care of. I have become a care-giving zombie. He deserves someone fresh and new. He deserves me two years ago. Before I became his half time mum instead of his friend.

This experience scares me. Am I forever destined to spend five years at a job, get absolutely sick of it then have to search for something new?

Let's hope five years into nursing I may actually be admitted to grad school. I did genetic counselling every friday for an entire summer and I never once got sick of it. I actually looked forward to going. It rocked.

I've never been a nurse so I can't say much for what its going to do for me.

Moving on.

My condescending playmate showed up again out of the blue. It was awkward to say the least. But of course, she had other "stuff" going on and had to let me go.

We are both smart girls and I am sure we both know there must be some reason why we have seen each other once all summer and talked twice.

But of coures, as ever - avoiding conflict, I will shut my mouth and keep it so. I'm too tierd to fight.

I am okay with dragging this behind me, as long as it doesn't start to pick up debris. Then I may have to let it go because it will just be too heavy.

The other day, while driving my "magic bus" for work, I passed a man, sitting at the side of the road, slumped over. Like he was dead. I saw that others may actually be starting to take notice for this poor man so I kept driving. Four more blocks and I felt terrible. Turned around. Went back. What good was two entire days of CPR and first aid training if I just keep on going every time I saw a dead person?

But when I got back he was sitting in his chair and the crowd that had once begun to gather around him had left. I assumed he was okay and left again.

I am going to run in the University of Western Ontario's Homecoming "Fun" 5km Run.

Really. I am.

Yesterday I tried to run 5km and it took me an hour.

I want to finish the Fun Run in 30 minutes.

God help me... I've got 51 days.

Hang on, here I go.