Early In The Morning

We didn't think it'd last beyond summer
I met her father she met my mother
We didn't have anywhere else to go
She said to me when we grow older
Will we still need young love on our shoulders
Does it just fade away, will we ever know?

She touched my face and called me her lover
I never thought that I'd need another

Your cool suburban sun
You're foolin' every one
You win some you lose some

Now it's gone, now it's gone,You win some, you lose some
Now it's gone, now it's gone,You win some, you lose some
Now it's gone, now it's gone,You win some, you lose some
Now it's gone, now it's gone,You win some, you lose some

Win some

I got angry at my grandmum last night. Then I felt terrible about it. It was literally like a gigantic zit of frustration that just exploded all over creation.

My grandmother complains about everything. Everything. Nothing makes her happy, she doesn't like anyone, she doesn't want to do anything. Nothing is good on tv, the weather is never good enough, nothing is ever good enough to eat. That last one especially. It seems like every meal she tells me that food doesn't taste to her anymore. Why bother eating?, she asks me. I try to ignore her. But then last night I just couldn't take it anymore. I asked her why she didn't talk to her doctor about it. And she told me that he would just get some crazy idea. Then I told her that if it bothered her so much she should talk to him about it. Then she demanded to know why I thought it bothered her. So I told her. She talks about it. All. The. Time. She then wanted to argue about how often she talks about it.

Then I spent the rest of the night thinking about it.

My grandmum may not have any of the normal syndromes of old age. But after only a week of being her housemate and the genetic link is gleaming.

I take a pill every day so I don't ralf in class. I also take it so I don't get fed up and toss myself off the nearest bridge (Which I have been much closer to doing than most would suspect).

But my grandmum is fighting this alone.

She doesn't believe in things like this. There should be nothing wrong with me. I shouldn't have to take a medication. But I do. And if I didn't take that medication I'd be utterly unfunctional. I'm not myself off it and I am definately not myself on it either.

But the me without it was unbearable. I imagine that its umbearable for her too. I want to suggest it. But I don't have to.

I already know what the answer woulld be.

My rafly feeling comes rushing back when I think about how she might be forced to live out her final years, just waiting for some kind of relief. When she thought she was going blind it was the end of her world. It wasn't. She has so much more than the majority of people her age. But its pointless to try and remind her. She won't ever get it.

But not for lack of trying. For lack of the ability to. I would never ask a baby to climb a moutain, so, I shouldn't ask my grandmum to stop complaining.

I spent much of my childhood looking out for someone who was supposed to look out for me. Another six weeks shouldn't be this hard.